NEEDLEWRITER

Lying near the river, in the deep forrest, naked at twilight – thousands of mosquitos bit me while I was asleep. It didn’t itch but I felt hunger and was missing a tremedous deal of conscious attention. What was happening ? – my heart was beating like a thousand horses galloping the planes of this natures last resort. No animal in sight, but I had enough strenght to remember. Them, nearby, living in a hut.
I felt their scent from afar. Fresh – I thought. But it wouldn’t be me, if I did it. No – I must retaliate against it -against this beastly hunger and thirst that devours every part of my being – if I were to be considered one. Many nights ago, I rembered it clearly as the last time I tasted it – vitae vitalis of another, living creature with intelligence. Bloody soul of mine, I have said many times, my hands after this will never be washed away. No cleansing will endure my filth as I have slit many throats for eternal life, to reach heavens looking for haven and falling finally as I reached the last drop to the oblivion of mirrors. But now, I cannot let them out, nor those in the hut in. The hunger and thirst are to strong to handle without spilling real blood. Bloody soul of mine. And as it was becoming unbearable to the point of madness I was holding on for a desire deeply hidden in the hearts of those like me – to die and disappear into whatever was there for us on the otherside – many times I’ve tried, many times I failed as even the Sun didn’t hurt me anymore. And many who knew tried, even the stake wouldn’t pierce my chest as the heart was already flooded with shields against Samsara. Oh, the depth of me – shoot us higher accross to planes unknown yet to us, because the wheels and veils became tiresome even for Him to carry on further. I fell down in water as my pumping heart, beating them ( the problems of insight ) away and suddenly I thought to myself – what a lustful feeling it is to continue spinning in one point in space and time, tempteous it is like the first bite or kiss to become wise in our own folly and never live trully.
So I ripped my chest wide open and torn my heart out and ate. There was nothing more to be afraid.
Bye.