NEEDLEWRITER

İ took them. The sleeping pills, I mean. Really doctor? That ought to stone me to sleep? It was a no go.
So I decided to mix a little bit something with them. So I stood up, made a comfortable situation and sat in the lotus position. My lord was it good. I did not know what was I doing, because it was my first session, considering meditation practice. I heard about it a lot, but never ever did I meditate. So I took my chances. Chakra this, chakra that, what the hell is this? What was I supposed to do? Breathe in, breathe out, relax this, relax that. Simple as that? No. So then it started. Myriads. Of thoughts. And boom. I fell. They hit harder than I thought, like they were charged (not considering was the charge positve or negative), too heavy for my spine to simply be erected and to whitstand all of it. And the problem lies in the senselessness of it all. Because I knew they were thoughts, but what was I thinking, what were those thoughts about? No fucking way, I accidentally said aloud, or did I? I wanted to stop but couldn’t, to save at least one disk of my spine. To open up my eyes? Impossible. I knew I was asleep, but half erect in the lotus position, the heaviness of my thoughts was the dream I was having. The texure of the mind process at least was tangible, I could describe it as a heavy thought blow, which was impossible to dissolve into anything transparent so I could breathe lightly and relax. As the heavy crown of it all broke my neck and was destroying my spine, I was about to scream, screech, growl, roar when it happened. The shuting down. I lost it all, it fell in the pithole of god knows what and was devoured. It was as if a serpent ate it all away, all the thoughts, emotions, and alike I ever had. Ate it as if was it’s only prey in years, as if it’s life was dependant on it. And it started to disappear back to the void, as it was no longer hungry or thirsty. The only thing it left was a poisinous gaze to the depths of my being, with its bloody red eyes which screamed at me words of anger. I woke up with utter emptiness, which in and with silence told to feed it. And I drank and ate of the experience to fill in the hole it left, and there it was born. The desire to live, freely and fully till I reach the astral planes never to fall down in the pithole of the Void.