NEEDLEWRITER

Have you encountered that one situation, mostly that happens in childhood or early adolescence, when you succumb to something that crushes you, most probably an authority. Like in psychoanalitic sense you reach something stronger than you that is you come in front of that what we call superego and it strips you naked and apart leaving you hurt and sensitive. That is when you have fallen in your self, in terms of ego and you conclude at some point „I’m gonna do only myself „in the meaning of I’m gonna work only on myself”, the rest of you are not needed, as if you reached suddenly the survival mode of human beings. Then you do it for a long time till you full of it, your mould is full of it, of those things that became you while you worked on thyself. Then you can’t bare it any longer and you instead of explode succumb again, and than it starts – you have fallen into the id. The subconsience, your ego is weak and starts literary to disappear bit by bit as if eaten by something. The worst of things start to happen, the worst emotions, worst feelings, worst thoughts, worst life situations and you click „something is wrong with me”. And the war starts, you need to fight of something called the shadow, which is the beast in you that devours till you build up again what you thought you had but disappeared. It dissapeared in the void of yourself sucked out by your shadow. And what is left of what you think is you engages in a war.
You start gathering, new emotions (which are fleeting, considered to be physiological), new feelings ( which are tangible and last longer ) and that way you build new thoughts. And the war is still not over, you gather up, that is build it up for something called in popular culture „a breakthrough”. And you breakthrough through the Persona. And there the old ego comes with your personality traits, and you realise you have changed, a new you is there and is breaking through your old mould. And you breakthrough with all you gathered anew, you fight agains superego, norms, doxas and as you gather further you in someway explode to the „outer” of your self, reaching in the end what we call the real self, or simply The Self. And there you are, still alive, fully functioning and ready to really live, like you yourself wants, desires, wishes and alike, under no authorty over your life but yourself.